Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Mea Culpa


THIS IS DR. SPARKLE SPEAKING

Dr. Sparkle does not apologize for his actions.  He has neither the inclination, nor the time for apologies. He is busy shattering pillars of mighty marble with his enormous, mighty hands. He is too preoccupied uprooting forests, and shattering the trunks into a thousand pieces. He takes these slabs of rock, these massive oaks, and like Prometheus creating fire, transforms them into mighty, mighty videos, to be posted onto Youtube. He would go into more detail about how he does this, but you would not be able comprehend the Herculean efforts required of him. While posting this comment, the wind blows gently through Dr. Sparkle's magnificent head of hair, which is neither the color of apricots nor of strawberries, but of a seriously overripe banana.

Needless to say, I expected Chrontendo 45 to be out by now. But I've been really busy. This weekend, when I hoped to finish the new episode, and instead ended up helping my mother paint her spare bedroom. My mother's been sick - first cancer, then a splenectomy, so you can't blame me. Also, she recently got a dog: a weird little Japanese dog. I'll post a picture some day. Normally, I'd take full responsibility for the tardiness.  Instead, to be more consistent with the tenor of the times, I'll simply blame President Obama. He simply hasn't created an environment which makes me comfortable creating videos about videogames. Perhaps if he would lower the taxes of the video creators, I'd be less hestitant.

One other thing I'll blame the President for: the scarcity of good DS games in my area. Upon the advice of this site's readers, I've been on the lookout for some interesting DS titles. But eventually I remembered why I have so few DS game to begin with: ALL I EVER SEE ON THE SHELVES IS CRAP! I have several stores in the my area that carry a good selection of games, both vintage and recent. There's no problem finding cheap copies of Mass Effect 2 or overpriced copies of Valkyrie Profile. I could turn up SNES carts for Chrono Trigger of Axelay with no problem. But when it comes to the DS: it's endless copies of Minute to Win It, Ben 10, and The Biggest Loser! I guess people always hang on the the "good stuff" when it comes the DS, and the crap ends up being traded in. Well, I suppose this is what the internet is for.

So, my greatest enemy - we meet again!
Anyway -- Chrontendo 45, its been recorded and everything, and just needs to be edited.

15 comments:

Aquin said...

I don't even have a retail store in my area for video games (umm... small town). I've learned to use amazon.com, play asia, and other online sources to get what I want.

Honestly though, I've never bought a game without vetting it first. My supercard has served me well (and is probably responsible for me buying half the games I'd otherwise pass on due to uncertainty).

Actually, thinking on it, my acts of piracy have cost me a lot of freakin' money. I should probably stop doing it just to save a buck. :S

Anonymous said...

I'm glad someone else broach the topic first. I also feel uncomfortable about the appropriate mention of these things on certain websites due to the controversy involved, even if it is a retro game site where the videos are most likely played on emulators. But if you want to check out www.ds-scene.net/?s= reviews you may find a way to find those hard to obtain DS games. Also scouring Craigslist will get you...... What you need. I even found a store link http://www.hellodsi.com/ . I think I've said too much. Before I go I really recommend a cool SD based cartridge for the DS lite for playing HOMEBREW software called the Cyclo DS evolution. (or iEvolution for the DSi or 3DS) if you can find one it worked well for me and had a nice feature set. Im posting anonomysly but I'll sign my initials...... S.C.

Kamiboy said...

Dear Dr. S, you are too late, the DS gravy train has long left the platform.

The DS section of my local Gamestop had a rather handsome collection of DS games of all pedigree, mostly used copies though. Alas I noticed the section shrinking and quality of titles slowly dropping in the wake of the 3DS release, in fact it started a short while before that.

Perhaps you should walk into one of those filthy pawnshops with their rather large collection of games.

Or visit all the Gamestops in your area.

Of course if you insist on buying new I think your best bet is buying online. Amazon and such, either that or Ebay as a last resort. But beware of buyers based in China unless a naked pirate cart is your wish.

Skymaster T said...

Dr. S, do you ever consider releasing an unedited, uncensored, director's cut of Chrontendo? Or are you saving that for the bonus DVD.

InsaneDavid said...

Ah, The Biggest Loser for the DS. It has to be one of the most over-produced games of its hardware generation, which is why you can find tons of copies sealed pretty much anywhere that sells games. No one bought it but more and more just kept flowing into the stores.

Doctor Sparkle said...

First of all, I'm glad this post didn't receive any angry comments from Ayn Rand fans, due to the Rand pastiche in the first paragraph. I know those guys can get worked up.

We have a couple "cool" game stores in my area, as well as a local used record store chain that carries games of all vintage. Still, they all seem to have a super limited selection of DS games. Another game I always see is Golden Sun, which is supposedly not that great. But it's mostly tons of shovelware crap. I try to avoid the Game Stops but maybe I'll give them a look see.

The Chrontendo Uncensored Perfect Edition will include all the unedited video footage. Each episode will be about 7 hours, and the soundtrack will just be me yelling and swearing.

InsaneDavid said...

I know for a fact that Toys R Us stores on the west coast got bombarded with excess shipments of Golden Sun for the DS a month or so ago as their distribution channel was flushed out.

Anonymous said...

Hey Dr. S, Mr. TOSE here. I just recently came up with the best way to boost your popularity, assuming it isn't already huge. You willing to read? If not, ignore the following, and have a good day!

I am assuming that, as an internet veteran, you are at least vaguely familiar with Zone, the hentai animator. Recently, he did an animation featuring one of the characters from the game SkullGirls. The most striking thing about this animation is that Zone decided to cart Bennett the Sage to do narration for, you know, hentai. However, that guy comes off as, as that one boss from Clash at Demonhead once said, "a presumptuous twit", and sounds quite annoying to be honest with you.

So I was thinking, "If I wanted to laugh at a porn animation, I want Dr. Sparkle to do the narration". I keep giggling at the thought of you being calm and collected, while saying something like "Yikes. That does not look like it feels comfortable" or "SkullGirls is available for all major platforms. Unfortunately, the Nintendo Wii is not included, since they lost relevance well after the SNES era. Who knows, maybe Nintendo's buddies, the Japanese Contract Developer TOSE, will make a port for you".

Seriously, I'd rather hear you talk over a hentai animation as if it were an episode of Chrontendo than that dickface Bennett. Maybe even make comments like "Oh boy, yet another Zone tentacle flash. I haven't seen THOSE before". There's just something about the way you talk, your voice, and everything, that would make it ungodly hilarious to listen to while watching hentai.

Thanks for reading, and signed, Mr. TOSE.

Anonymous said...

Hey,
I watched all of the episodes up to now and I really have to admit that you're doing a great job for the gaming community. Even though in my country we never got a chance to play the original NES carts (or SNES, for that matter), pirated consoles continue to exist - that's why I was able to play lots of Japan-only games. At least we didn't have to pay 20-30$ for each and every cart, but rather 2-5$. ;) Ah, memories... don't back down, your show made me feel young again... and I bet this is the case with many other viewers. Good luck with your work!

EastEU M

Doctor Sparkle said...

Mr Tose: unfortunately, I have never heard of this Zone fellow or this Bennett guy, as I am not that familiar with all the shenanigans that go on out there. Undoubtedly some of my readers have looked into this tentacle porn stuff (for "research" purposes, of course,) but I remain blissfully ignorant.

You are onto to one thing: I have been brainstorming an idea for a side project. It's not videogame related, but isn't going to involve hentai or anime either.

Mr. Tose said...

Aww, what a shame Dr. S.

Also, is it me, or were a lot of the late NES life stuff starting to be released only stateside? Like early Famicom to mid NES life, there were Japan and US games, sometimes Japan only, but the balance started to tip. Our buddies, TOSE, even developed a few US only games, of course, starting at the 90's.

Ian Hill said...

I also just recently finished watching all the episodes so far, and I just had to let you know that I LOVE this project, and I am re-watching them and taking notes. Thank you for doing this!

Sean Sutton said...

Oh Dr. S.! You may have the campest name in show business, and ripe, banana-esque hair.... but we will all wait until you're good and ready. Keep on on truckin'

Doctor Sparkle said...

Tose fans will delight at Short Order/Eggsplode, an oddball Power Pad game from late 1989. I believe it was the first US-only Tose game.

Since the NES "peaked" a bit later in Japan than in the US, we'll be seeing tons of US-only games in 1990-1992. It's the age of Acclaim, LJN and THQ!

Raynor said...

like retro games? Play Helicopter Game on http://playhelicoptergame.org/