I am extremely excited to announce a thrilling new era of possibility for Chrontendo. As you are all aware, one of the biggest scams of this decade involves a little thing called "Kickstarter." This is where a business (who are in theory already making money), instead of simply selling you their product, asks you to just donate money to them. Often they will give you some worthless trinket in exchange for your donation, but it's essentially a form on online panhandling. And here's the amazing part: panhandling is illegal in most municipalities, and doing so usually results in the police asking you move along or face arrest. However, via Kickstarter, this is not only COMPLETELY LEGAL, but when you make money this way, the online press tells you that you're a genius! Instead of being a leech on society, you are lauded for your brilliant understanding of crowdsourcing and social media and "Web 2.0."
Listen folks: Dr. Sparkle didn't get to where he is today by avoiding ethically questionable actions. He got here by ripping off ideas from people who tried something and were successful at it. Thus I would be foolish to not get in on this whole Kickstarter racket. Thus, I present to you the Chrontendo Kickstarter. Now, this isn't a
total ripoff. I do intend to greatly improve the frequency of new episodes, and the rewards for the
suckers pledges are pretty cool. This isn't the typical "I'll follow you on Twitter for $1000 bullshit."
The Kickstarter page has not gone live yet. Apparently it is "under review" whatever that means. I'll give you the link when it's up, so you can start emptying your pockets. Here's a screencap of the project page, so you can start planning the allocation of your funds. Click on the image to see it at full size.
Thank you in advance for your generosity.
14 comments:
can't wait to get my grubby hands on "the benjamin"
Don't forget stretch goals! At $1.5M you can promise to pronounce "Tose" correctly from now on.
The only problem with this is that priorities can sometimes shift a bit with regular cocaine use. Maybe provide some assurance, like maybe a live webcam showing you, Dr. Sparkle in all your cocaine-binge glory, working on new episodes of Chrontendo and the other Chron series'. I think this would put the donors at ease and also provide some awesome entertainment! Of course, for legal reasons, the coke would probably have to reside somewhere off-camera.
Your choice of drug gave this away. Or maybe you just couldn't find a stock photo of giant crates of Wild Irish Rose. Yeah, your secret shame? We know.
Originally, I was just doing to do a Kickstarter for "Buy Chrontendo some meth." Then I decided to dream big.
And, really, Wild Irish Rose? As I native of the Cali Central Valley, I would never drink snooty, East Coast wine. I remain loyal to the fine products of EJ Gallo, makers of Boone's Farm, Thunderbird, Ripple and Night Train.
I'm totally in for the 100,000 package. I'd give you another 50 thousand if you could fly in Beat Takeshi to join us.
Beat won't do it for that price, but I can get Kato-chan and Ken-chan, as long as you don't mind the excessive flatulence.
If we get to 2 mil, will you bring back ChronCDI? what about ChronJaguar?
Good one Doctor!!! ^_^
"Even after doing all these drugs, these baseball games still bore me."
ChronCocaine, sounds like a winner. What was the difference between drugs today and back in the 80s, when PC meant pass the cocaine? Thrilling!
Lovely post, this was really funny. Well done!
No posts anymore... Should I give you some coke money?
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