Thanks to everyone for their patience while I finish up Episode 43. I've been so insanely busy this last month or so. My mother was in the hospital, I was sick, then my wife was sick... it's been hectic. Also, I've been unable to focus lately because I've so excited about the upcoming Hunger Games movie! OK... not really. I'm not even really sure what The Hunger Games is. It's a kid's book that's supposed to be the new Twilight or something? Yet adults are reading it? And its sort of like Battle Royale? I don't understand any of this stuff.
Episode 43 has been completely recorded and only needs to be edited at this point. If I buckle down and work steadily, it might be ready by Sunday. No promises.
In other news, qayllS has pointed out this link to a post about a Famitsu reader's poll of the top 100 Famicom games. The poll is a few years old, but still quite instructional. You might recall I discussed another Famitsu poll about the top 100 games (all platforms) and was shocked and horrified by Super Mario Bros 3's low showing. Thankfully, the Famicom list corrects that error, with SMB 3 taking the third spot. Other than that the two lists line up pretty well in terms of Famicom games, with both lists agreeing that Dragon Quest III, Final Fantasy III, Super Mario Bros, Dragon Quest II and Dragon Quest IV are among the best 8-bit titles. The kids in Japan just loved themselves some Dragon Quest back then.
There is quite a bit of complete insanity on this list, most notably that Spelunker placed above Metroid. And somehow Castlevania III ranks at #75, below complete and utter crap like Kinnikuman, Ikki and various Dragon Ball games. Hell, Contra placed well below Wagyan Land! I hate to jump on the "Japan, you so crazy!" bandwagon -- but this list is pretty weird. There are some really odd omissions: Ninja Gaiden, Bionic Commando, and Super C to name a few.
So, keep your eyes open for the huge, 20 game, new episode of Chrontendo soon!
Every Nintendo Game In Chronological Order
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Your Pre-Superbowl Update.
One of the things that led me to start Chrontendo was the number of mysterious, obscure and bizarre sounding Famciom games that were never released in the US. Once every single official Famicom release was dumped and made readily available online, everyone suddenly had access to all these strange sounding titles. One that always stuck out for me was Jesus: Kyoufu no Bio Monster/Jesus: Dreadful Bio-Monster. What in God's name could that game possibly be about? Jesus and a "bio-monster?" A bio-monster named Jesus? What the heck is a "bio-monster," anyway? Why does the word "bio" keep turning up in Japanese game titles? (Bio Miracle Bokutte Upa, Bio Senshi Dan.)
Well, with Episode 43 we'll finally reach March 1989 and with it, Jesus: Kyoufu no Bio Monster. At last our questions about this game will be answered! Sadly, Jesus... is nowhere near as weird as the name suggests. It is simply another Japanese adventure game; though it is a relatively high-quality game originally released by Enix. The Jesus of the title is not the well-known Jesus, but simply a space station named "Jesus." Not addressed in the game is why anyone would name a space station that. In fact, the space station plays very little part in the game and is rarely mentioned. My dreams of playing some nutty Japanese game with a gonzo take on Christianity have been shattered.
The plot of Jesus: Kyoufu no Bio Monster is lifted from a very secular source: the 1978 Dan O'Bannon/Ridley Scott film Alien. In Jesus the xenomorph was hiding out on Halley's Comet, infiltrated a space ship, then killed everyone on board. The hero, some anime dude with hair that alternates between red, pink and purple, explores the hallways and storage areas of an empty spaceship while occasionally encountering the creature. Eventually he defeats the monster, though methods too absurd to repeat here (I'm not kidding: the secret weapon used against the creature is jaw-droppingly dumb.)
Jesus: Kyoufu no Bio Monster has its strengths -- great music by Koichi Sugiyama, of Dragon Quest fame, and art design by Shintaro Majima, who later became the head of Arte Piazza, the guys responsible the DS Dragon Quest ports, among other things. Yet it still suffers from the same problems that plague so many other Japanese adventure games of the Famicom era. On the surface, Jesus appears to offer a non-linear and open-ended experience. You can wander around the ship freely, looking for clues and items. But in reality, the game enforces a strict, linear, series of events, mostly through a series of triggers, which are often hidden.
For example, at one point you encounter the alien in a freezer. If you had entered the freezer earlier, you would have noticed a valve to release some liquid coolant. The game originally forbids you from opening the valve, instead advising you it would be too dangerous to release the coolant. By this point you already know the alien is sensitive to cold and have armed yourself with some sort of freeze ray gun. Once you encounter the alien in the freezer, it's pretty obvious you are going to need to open that valve. However, again, the game does not allow you to turn the valve. So instead you use your freeze ray again. However, the freeze ray has suddenly run out of power. It is then screamingly obvious that you are going to use the valve to release the coolant and freeze the alien. Yet, once again, if you try to open the valve, the game advises you it's too dangerous, despite the fact that there is a cold-sensitive alien standing there about to bite your head off. No matter how many times to try to open the valve, the game refuses to do so.
Those of you with experience in adventure games might be trying to think of a logical solution to this puzzle. Maybe there was an item you forgot to pick up, like an environmental suit to protect you from the coolant. Or maybe searching the room will reveal a control panel to activate a blast shield to seal off the part of the room you're in. However, the actual solution is nothing like that. Instead you need to use your freeze ray again, despite the fact you already tried to use it once and were told it was non-operational. Once you try to use the freeze ray for the third time, the game will suddenly suggest you use the coolant valve instead. Then, and only then, will the option to turn the valve be unlocked. You can't just figure out that the valve needs to be turned, you need to figure out how to get the game to tell you to turn the valve.
This style of puzzle perfectly sums up Jesus: Kyoufu no Bio Monster and all the frustrations it produces.
Episode 43 will be a little heavy on the adventure games. We will also cover Hikaru Genji - Roller Panic, a game staring a popular 80s Japanese boy band, as well as Ankoku Shinwa: Yamato Takeru Densetsu and little something you may have heard of called Shadowgate.
Episode 43 is totally a real thing and will be happening before too much longer. Check back later.
Well, with Episode 43 we'll finally reach March 1989 and with it, Jesus: Kyoufu no Bio Monster. At last our questions about this game will be answered! Sadly, Jesus... is nowhere near as weird as the name suggests. It is simply another Japanese adventure game; though it is a relatively high-quality game originally released by Enix. The Jesus of the title is not the well-known Jesus, but simply a space station named "Jesus." Not addressed in the game is why anyone would name a space station that. In fact, the space station plays very little part in the game and is rarely mentioned. My dreams of playing some nutty Japanese game with a gonzo take on Christianity have been shattered.
 |
| You suffer from a bad case of anime hair. |
The plot of Jesus: Kyoufu no Bio Monster is lifted from a very secular source: the 1978 Dan O'Bannon/Ridley Scott film Alien. In Jesus the xenomorph was hiding out on Halley's Comet, infiltrated a space ship, then killed everyone on board. The hero, some anime dude with hair that alternates between red, pink and purple, explores the hallways and storage areas of an empty spaceship while occasionally encountering the creature. Eventually he defeats the monster, though methods too absurd to repeat here (I'm not kidding: the secret weapon used against the creature is jaw-droppingly dumb.)
Jesus: Kyoufu no Bio Monster has its strengths -- great music by Koichi Sugiyama, of Dragon Quest fame, and art design by Shintaro Majima, who later became the head of Arte Piazza, the guys responsible the DS Dragon Quest ports, among other things. Yet it still suffers from the same problems that plague so many other Japanese adventure games of the Famicom era. On the surface, Jesus appears to offer a non-linear and open-ended experience. You can wander around the ship freely, looking for clues and items. But in reality, the game enforces a strict, linear, series of events, mostly through a series of triggers, which are often hidden.
 |
| The game is not subtle about its influences. |
For example, at one point you encounter the alien in a freezer. If you had entered the freezer earlier, you would have noticed a valve to release some liquid coolant. The game originally forbids you from opening the valve, instead advising you it would be too dangerous to release the coolant. By this point you already know the alien is sensitive to cold and have armed yourself with some sort of freeze ray gun. Once you encounter the alien in the freezer, it's pretty obvious you are going to need to open that valve. However, again, the game does not allow you to turn the valve. So instead you use your freeze ray again. However, the freeze ray has suddenly run out of power. It is then screamingly obvious that you are going to use the valve to release the coolant and freeze the alien. Yet, once again, if you try to open the valve, the game advises you it's too dangerous, despite the fact that there is a cold-sensitive alien standing there about to bite your head off. No matter how many times to try to open the valve, the game refuses to do so.
Those of you with experience in adventure games might be trying to think of a logical solution to this puzzle. Maybe there was an item you forgot to pick up, like an environmental suit to protect you from the coolant. Or maybe searching the room will reveal a control panel to activate a blast shield to seal off the part of the room you're in. However, the actual solution is nothing like that. Instead you need to use your freeze ray again, despite the fact you already tried to use it once and were told it was non-operational. Once you try to use the freeze ray for the third time, the game will suddenly suggest you use the coolant valve instead. Then, and only then, will the option to turn the valve be unlocked. You can't just figure out that the valve needs to be turned, you need to figure out how to get the game to tell you to turn the valve.
This style of puzzle perfectly sums up Jesus: Kyoufu no Bio Monster and all the frustrations it produces.
Episode 43 will be a little heavy on the adventure games. We will also cover Hikaru Genji - Roller Panic, a game staring a popular 80s Japanese boy band, as well as Ankoku Shinwa: Yamato Takeru Densetsu and little something you may have heard of called Shadowgate.
Episode 43 is totally a real thing and will be happening before too much longer. Check back later.
Monday, January 16, 2012
Hey Everybody!
In case anyone's wondering -- yes, I know the new episode is late. I'll level with you folks. My mother had surgery last week, and my time has consumed by filing legal paper work, driving back and forth to the hospital, sleeping poorly, and worrying a lot.
Let me stress that this was not some unexpected, emergency-type surgery. It was completely planned, and everything went fine. My mother's pretty tough, so I'm sure she'll recover quickly.
In the meantime, I'd like you folks to be aware that I'm not just sitting on my ass smoking dank and watching Rob Schneider movies or something. I would never deliberately watch a Rob Schneider movie. Hell, I've been so busy lately I haven't even had time to check out any of the games from the new Humble Bundle. VVVVVVV (not sure about the number of "V"s,) and Super Meat Boy are calling my name, but will have to wait.
I'll post another "Classic" Chrontendo episode on Youtube soon, just to tide people over for Episode 43.
Let me stress that this was not some unexpected, emergency-type surgery. It was completely planned, and everything went fine. My mother's pretty tough, so I'm sure she'll recover quickly.
In the meantime, I'd like you folks to be aware that I'm not just sitting on my ass smoking dank and watching Rob Schneider movies or something. I would never deliberately watch a Rob Schneider movie. Hell, I've been so busy lately I haven't even had time to check out any of the games from the new Humble Bundle. VVVVVVV (not sure about the number of "V"s,) and Super Meat Boy are calling my name, but will have to wait.
I'll post another "Classic" Chrontendo episode on Youtube soon, just to tide people over for Episode 43.
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Spotted in the Wild
UPDATE: Want your own "Base" shirt? I've identified the guy's shirt as the one being sold by ThinkGeek here.
A rare sighting today: someone wearing an honest-to-God "All Your Base Are Belong to Us" t-shirt! I spotted it on a pretty typical looking example of the North American geek-boy. It wasn't immediately clear whether the shirt was being worn ironically or not, but after a quick examination of the specimen (Bat-Man tennis shoes, cargo shorts, etc) I got the feeling this was an actual geek, not a hipster posing as one.
I'm not sure what someone's motivation would be for wearing such a shirt in 2011. No clean laundry? Nostalgia? Some sort of retro-geek statement? "Man, internet memes were so much cooler back then. Bronies? Fuck that shit."
This spotting was not as cool as the time I saw a guy in an airport wearing a Big Johnson Surfing shirt which looked to be in pristine, brand-new condition. This was in the mid-2000s. Apparently, somebody still make those things.
A rare sighting today: someone wearing an honest-to-God "All Your Base Are Belong to Us" t-shirt! I spotted it on a pretty typical looking example of the North American geek-boy. It wasn't immediately clear whether the shirt was being worn ironically or not, but after a quick examination of the specimen (Bat-Man tennis shoes, cargo shorts, etc) I got the feeling this was an actual geek, not a hipster posing as one.
I'm not sure what someone's motivation would be for wearing such a shirt in 2011. No clean laundry? Nostalgia? Some sort of retro-geek statement? "Man, internet memes were so much cooler back then. Bronies? Fuck that shit."
This spotting was not as cool as the time I saw a guy in an airport wearing a Big Johnson Surfing shirt which looked to be in pristine, brand-new condition. This was in the mid-2000s. Apparently, somebody still make those things.
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