Tuesday, April 2, 2013

RIP, Jess Franco (1930-2013)

If Spanish film maker Jesus "Jess" Franco Manera had no imitators, it was simply because no one could imitate his style. Regardless of what kind of film it was: horror, exploitation, arthouse trash, or unrepentant smut, every film he made was unmistakably a Franco film.

While many would say his movies were "bad," it was Franco, more than anyone else, who demonstrated that the distinction between good films and bad films was often irrelevant.  Franco directed somewhere close to 200 movies (some sources say "over 200"). The embodiment of an obsessive film maker, he was always making a film or planning his next one. His final movie premiered on March 22nd, a mere 11 days before his death.

Monday, April 1, 2013

Introducing - The Chrontendo Kickstarter

I am extremely excited to announce a thrilling new era of possibility for Chrontendo. As you are all aware, one of the biggest scams of this decade involves a little thing called "Kickstarter." This is where a business (who are in theory already making money), instead of simply selling you their product, asks you to just donate money to them.  Often they will give you some worthless trinket in exchange for your donation, but it's essentially a form on online panhandling. And here's the amazing part: panhandling is illegal in most municipalities, and doing so usually results in the police asking you move along or face arrest. However, via Kickstarter, this is not only COMPLETELY LEGAL, but when you make money this way, the online press tells you that you're a genius! Instead of being a leech on society, you are lauded for your brilliant understanding of crowdsourcing and social media and "Web 2.0."

Listen folks: Dr. Sparkle didn't get to where he is today by avoiding ethically questionable actions. He got here by ripping off ideas from people who tried something and were successful at it. Thus I would be foolish to not get in on this whole Kickstarter racket. Thus, I present to you the Chrontendo Kickstarter.  Now, this isn't a total ripoff. I do intend to greatly improve the frequency of new episodes, and the rewards for the suckers pledges are pretty cool.  This isn't the typical "I'll follow you on Twitter for $1000 bullshit."

The Kickstarter page has not gone live yet. Apparently it is "under review" whatever that means. I'll give you the link when it's up, so you can start emptying your pockets. Here's a screencap of the project page, so you can start planning the allocation of your funds. Click on the image to see it at full size.

Thank you in advance for your generosity.